I Am Chucky, and This Is My MasterClass

Desire and determination. That’s where it all begins.

You have to want to terrorize a child. You have to want to transfer your soul into their body.

It must come from deep down inside you, because it’s hard work.

You’re not always going to feel like inflicting multiple stab wounds on a social worker, but if you persevere, you can achieve anything.

In this class, you’ll learn how to stay motivated and become the homicidal doll you’ve always wanted to be.

We’ll cover the essentials: the costume, the catchphrases, the kills.

Your look is key. On the one hand, you want movement. There should be nothing encumbering your stabbing arm. That is why I opted for Good Guy overalls.

But utility doesn’t make you memorable. It’s not what haunts their dreams.

You might think it’s the red nylon hair that makes me a horror icon, but don’t underestimate the power of a candy-colored, striped sweater that can be mass-marketed at Universal Horror Nights. It’s smart, sporty, and unforgettable, just like you’ll be once you start down a path of unrelenting violence.

After you develop your signature look, we’ll move on to catchphrases.

It’s important to have something cool to say while you’re menacing a preteen with a chainsaw.

“Wanna play?” is a classic, but I think my fans will agree that it doesn’t get any better than “Don’t fuck with the Chuck.”

Think about rhythm. Think about impact. Think about something short, because you’ll probably be out of breath running around on your tiny doll legs.

After that, it’s on to kill originality.

I cannot overstate the importance of creativity. Creativity is what separates the Barbies from the M3GANs.

As much as you might want to, it can’t be stab, stab, stab all the time. You need to work with what’s around you—a pillow, a hammer, a voodoo doll. And if there’s nothing nearby, you can always induce a heart attack. It really scares the shit out of people when an inanimate object comes to life in their hands and calls them a “cocksucker.”

So, what are you waiting for? Your life as a killer doll with a multimillion-dollar film franchise and Spirit Halloween licensing deal is just around the corner.

Be fearless.

Lead with your insanity.

And never let ’em exorcize you.

I am Chucky, and this is my masterclass.