I’m Voting for Trump Because of the Things He Says He’ll Do, Which I Don’t Actually Believe He’ll Do

I realize the former President can sound a bit rough to some, but that’s why he connects with so many people. He simply tells it like it is. He’s a man of conviction who will not do the terrible things he has repeatedly promised to do. This is why I plan to vote for him.

As a man who served as President for four years, who is the head of the Republican party, and who controls the entire messaging machine of the conservative media ecosystem, Donald Trump is the ultimate outsider and truth-teller who can take on the system. He’s the only one who can fix this amazing country, which is the garbage can for the world, according to Trump.

Some may find it concerning that he said he plans to use the United States military to round up undocumented migrants and place them in detention camps. But that’s all just a little fun bluster he uses to amp up his rallies. There is simply nothing in his past that would indicate he would do anything like that.

I also don’t believe he’ll indict Biden or his other political enemies despite promising to do so since 2021. Nor do I believe he will attempt to rule like a “dictator.” Trump is a straight-shooter, and when he said that thing about ruling like a dictator, it was just one time, and it was a joke.

There’s an art to reading Trump. When he promises he’ll do something outrageous, you must recognize that it’s almost certainly not going to happen. But it might. But it probably won’t. Look, if you ask too many questions about what Trump has promised to do, those things may become true because Trump doesn’t like to be proven wrong. He’s the kind of guy who likes retribution but who is also full of positivity, according to his wife, Melania, his biggest champion who is rarely ever seen in public. She’s great.

Invade Mexico? That certainly must have been a joke. I mean, that’s crazy talk. But I love when he says it. It’s fun! Who doesn’t like an amusing jape to lighten the mood? And on abortion, he simply celebrated personally dismantling Roe v. Wade and in no way would support a sixteen-week national abortion ban, which he said he would do and then said he wouldn’t do, so it’s unclear and best not to think about it.

That whole thing he said about going after every media outlet that has been critical of him, including late-night comedy shows and 60 Minutes and accusing them of treason? Just some whimsical bravado to fire up the base. There is simply no way he’s that vindictive, even though he says it’s something that our government should do and urged us to “watch!”

I have a trans friend at work, and they say that Trump has promised to enact a federal law stating that there are only two genders, but that sounds kind of like the thing that he won’t do despite saying he would do exactly that. Apparently, he also said he’d ban gender-affirming care for minors, punish doctors and hospitals who treat transgender youth, and ban trans people from the military. I appreciate his conviction on this issue and know deep in my heart not to believe that any of that will happen.

Eliminate the Department of Education? Yeah, I actually think he’ll do that one. Just seems like his kind of thing.

But other than that—on issues like abortion, birth control, climate, tariffs, criminalizing homelessness, firing tens of thousands of career civil servants and replacing them with political loyalists, letting Russia win in Ukraine, it’s all just locker room talk. Trump is an honest broker whose no-nonsense approach is just what this country needs because he absolutely won’t do all the terrible things he honestly insists he will do.

Think of Trump’s promises like a Schrodinger’s Pandora’s Box. If you open the box, it will release all the evils of the world. But if you assume the box doesn’t exist, then your marginal tax rate may not go up. He promised to lower or eliminate taxes altogether, ideas I like very much, so that must be one of the promises that will come true.

Trump is less of a Presidential candidate and more of a gut feeling. He’s a blank slate you can fill with your dreams and assumptions and go to bed at night knowing that your daughter’s reproductive rights will be safe, your trans friend is just overreacting, the nice Mexican guy at the grocery store will be fine, and peace and love and isolationism and flowers and sunshine and bliss and low taxes will follow. I promise.