It’s a Wonderful Life, Guy from It’s a Wonderful Life, Who Convinces Another Guy to Open the Gym Floor So Everyone Falls in the Pool

EXT. — THE VASTNESS OF SPACE

A star, representing the angel ALBERT, shoots across the sky. It stops at a distant GALAXY. As the heavenly bodies talk, their lights blink.

ALBERT
You sent for me, sir?

GALAXY
Yes, Albert. Tonight’s going to be the crucial night for “Young Punk at Graduation Dance.”

ALBERT
Who, sir?

GALAXY
Sorry. That’s how I think of him. Tonight will be the crucial night for… Mickey Wincott.

A beat.

ALBERT
Who, sir?

GALAXY
(sighs)
The man who lurks by the controls in the Bedford Falls gymnasium to convince a jilted dancer to open the gym floor, so that the dancer’s rival falls into the swimming pool beneath.

ALBERT
What? Why would anyone do that? I’d understand if he felt jilted. But he’s just some guy who hangs out in gyms, encouraging oth—?

GALAXY
Hold on, Albert. We don’t have much time. Let me show you the life of Mickey Wincott. Soon you’ll understand…

CROSSFADE TO:

EXT. FROZEN LAKE – WINTER DAY

Teens skate on a frozen lake.

GALAXY (V.O.)
Watch carefully, Albert. This is important.

Suddenly, the ice breaks, and one skater falls in. A bystander rushes to pull them out.

ALBERT (V.O.)
That man running to help—is that Mickey Wincott?

GALAXY (V.O.)
No, Albert…

Pan to another teen, hiding in the bushes, watching. He has a strange, fixed expression.

GALAXY (V.O.)
That’s Mickey Wincott.

ALBERT (V.O.)
Why does he look like that?

GALAXY (V.O.)
Because he’s discovering that he gets sexual gratification from seeing people unexpectedly fall into water.

ALBERT (V.O.)
Ew. I don’t like him. I don’t like Mickey Wincott.

GALAXY (V.O.)
Yes. He’s kind of a creep.

ALBERT (V.O.)
Can’t you put me on the George Bailey case? Everyone seems to be praying for him.

GALAXY (V.O.)
Clarence is on the Bailey case.

ALBERT (V.O.)
Clarence?! That Tom Sawyer-toting boob?!

GALAXY (V.O.)
Don’t worry. You’re kind of in a support position. Just keep watching.

INT. VARIOUS – MONTAGE

Fade through scenes of Mickey Wincott’s life, as the Galaxy narrates:

First, Mickey in his basement, drawing blueprints:

GALAXY (V.O.)
Feeding such a specific sexual fetish wasn’t easy. So Mickey became one of the 1930s’ youngest patent holders—inventing a new kind of gym floor. One that could hide a pool.

Trains arriving and steamboats docking. At each terminus, Mickey hops off, toting his giant salesman’s case.

GALAXY (V.O.)
He traveled the land, convincing schools and universities that his floor was an efficient space-saver. Then, at each—

Mickey pulls levers and pushes buttons, again and again, as we see homecoming dancers falling into the water… basketball players falling into the water… new graduates falling into the water.

GALAXY (V.O.)
He found his release.

ALBERT (V.O.)
I’m not sure why we’re helping this—

GALAXY (V.O.)
Hold on.

A small town. Mickey leaps off an arriving train, only to be collared by G-Men.

GALAXY (V.O.)
Eventually, Hoover’s FBI solved the mysterious string of moistenings…

Mickey breaks rocks on a chain gang.

GALAXY (V.O.)
And Mickey was convicted and disgraced. If he ever involuntarily wetted another, it would mean the electric chair.

EXT. THE VASTNESS OF SPACE

The heavenly bodies continue to talk.

GALAXY
And tonight, he’s thinking of giving up his greatest gift… his life.

A beat.

ALBERT
And that’s a problem… because—?

GALAXY
If Mickey Wincott doesn’t interrupt tonight’s jitterbug contest with a thorough pool-soaking, then George Bailey never falls in love with Mary Hatch, and if George never falls in love, that means he leaves Bedford Falls. And if that happens, Bedford Falls will turn into a town that honestly seems like a pretty fun place to visit, but also represents the consolidation of power in the hands of the wealthy and corrupt. So—are you ready to go to Earth and help?

A beat.

GALAXY
Are you—

ALBERT
I’M THINKING ABOUT IT!

EXT. DRAWBRIDGE – NIGHT

A heavy snow falls. Mickey stands on a bridge, staring at the rushing water below.

MICKEY
I guess this is it. The only way out of my sick compulsions. The man responsible for so many unwanted plunges must take the last great plunge… alone.

Albert appears. He extends a hand.

ALBERT
(wanly)
No. Wait. Stop.

MICKEY
Sorry buddy. There’s nothing you can say that could possibly—

ALBERT
Ever consider convincing someone else to open the pool?

Mickey’s eyes brighten. He RUNS off.

EXT. BEDFORD FALLS SCHOOLHOUSE – LATER

After the dance, students pour from the building, many wearing robes. Mickey exits as well. He spies Albert leaning against a tree and approaches him, rubbing his hands.

MICKEY
Oh boy! That was great! Thanks, buddy. I’ll be doing that all over the country!

ALBERT
No, you won’t. Cards on the table—I’m an angel. You were only able to do it this one time because I knew that specific guy would be there for you to convince. That’s not, like, a typical thing.

MICKEY
You’re an angel? You intervened to save me?! Then… despite my shame—I must be someone pretty special!

ALBERT
No, sorry. Honestly, we wouldn’t have bothered, but there’s this other guy…

MICKEY
Then, you mean—I’m just a nobody? A mote on the wind? Buffeted by powers I’ll never fully understand or be able to control?

ALBERT
Yeah. Sorry. If it makes you feel better, that’s kind of standard.

INT. ALBERT’S APARTMENT IN HEAVEN – LATER

Albert enters, tossing his halo on a hat rack. His WIFE greets him with a kiss. Then:

ALBERT’S WIFE
I heard about your job. Is it true what they say? ’Every time a gym floor opens, some weird-beard gets off?’

ALBERT
That’s right.
(sighs)
That’s right.

Auld Lang Syne plays over triumphant shots of gym floors opening.

FADE TO BLACK.