It is hard to imagine with the eighty-two executive orders already issued by President Trump, that a man of his stature, extraordinary power, intellect, sensitivity and unwavering focus on the needs of the American people, would find the time to address an issue that is so insidious and so pervasive as the continued forced sucking of paper straws.
Yet on February 10, 2025, President Trump issued “Ending Procurement and Forced Use of Paper Straws” to free us once and for all from those who would force us to use straws that simply suck. He knew it was high time to move away from the flimsy paper straws of the past and instead allow all of us, most importantly our children, the freedom to stay healthy and strong by sucking as long and as hard on petroleum-based plastic straws as they choose—at home, at work, at school, or at play.
After all, we live in the United States of America—home of the free and the brave. To maintain freedoms too often taken for granted, the president took a major step forward to end the procurement and forced use of paper straws. While so many critical executive orders in total had already been signed by the president, he ensured that our fundamental right to suck only through plastic straws. He understood this executive order was vital if we wanted not just to Make America Great Again, but fully embrace our patriotic duty to Make America Suck Again by ensuring that only plastic straws remain accessible in our towns, cities, states, businesses—and most importantly our schools.
The science underpinning this executive order is very clear. Children must be protected from the risk that paper straws could collapse at any moment from excessive sucking. In addition, science tells us that paper straws, unlike plastic ones, naturally biodegrade over time. In contrast, plastic straws present no risk of collapse and never go away. Because they are made with propylene, a type of plastic that comes from petroleum—you can count on plastic straws to be around forever—along with the other forever chemicals found in drinking water all across our country.
Our kids, and frankly all of us, deserve better than to be forced into using collapsible straws that limit our freedom to suck. While implementation of this EO will be difficult since manufacturers across the US have been working hard to advance coatings that make paper straws stronger and less susceptible to collapse during sucking, we must not waiver in our conviction/addiction to more and more plastic. Making American Suck Again will require that all of us—young and old—weed out our old paper habits and embrace plastic products once and for all.
President Trump was spot on when he wrote this executive order. It is high time that we all stand together to ensure its smooth implementation. But of course, nothing as monumental as this executive order can be implemented without much due diligence and hard work. Many critical issues have to be resolved. For example, will Pixie Stix be exempt from the ban, and if not, what is the proper way to manage their destruction? And will there be a phase-down or immediate phase-out of paper straws? These are questions we all need to know.
Just the other day, I watched a video of paper straws being produced in an Arizona plant where the workers were expecting to produce four billion paper straws this year alone. Seems crazy, right? The good news is that under our president’s leadership, we can all sleep soundly, knowing that these workers will no longer be hard at work making paper straws.
As the president knew when he issued this EO, if we do not act now to get paper straws off the market, then the paper straw industry will do everything it can to rob us of the opportunity to choose plastic straws—the one straw that sucks more than all others!
