Sure, I Voted for Someone Whose Policies Might Kill You, but Now’s the Time to Put Aside Our Differences

It’s me, that woman you barely remember from your tenth-grade homeroom who keeps turning up on your Facebook page like a cold sore. Before the election, I mainly posted wine o’clock memes and pictures of my grandbabies; I never publicly declared who I was voting for. But I can say it loudly and proudly now: I voted for Trump. And I’m tired of all the fearmongering I’m seeing from libs like you.

It’s been over a week since Harris conceded, and you’re still ranting and sharing gloom-and-doom articles. People are too focused on the negative! Trump will make inflation vanish completely. He’ll bring down the price of eggs and gas, and we’ll have more money in our pockets to buy cheap fast fashion made in Chinese sweatshops. Those tariffs he promised are going to work wonders.

I don’t understand why people like you think the outcome of one election is the end of the world. Sure, President Trump favored an abortion ban in 2016 and appointed several of the conservative Supreme Court justices who overturned Roe v. Wade. But he said this year that he’s leaving it up to the states, and if there’s one thing Trump is known for, it’s his honesty. Also, newsflash: You and I are well past the age when we must worry about such things. And since we live in a blue state, our daughters will probably be fine.

The sun will still rise and set every day, even if the ACA no longer covers your chronic health conditions. President Trump has concepts of a plan that will make it even better, so why are you panicking? And if it ends up costing you more, or if you do lose coverage altogether, well, maybe that will encourage you to lose a little weight and exercise more. Once RFK Jr. takes fluoride out of the water and bans vaccines, this rise in chronic illness we’re seeing will vanish like magic.

Why can’t we just agree to disagree? Demonizing Trump voters like me only leads to toxicity, and it’s bad for your health to be so agitated. Let’s find a way to unite so that this ugliness doesn’t surface again when we head to the polls in four years. And if your worst-case scenario comes to pass—that this was the last democratic election we’ll have in this country—think of how stress-free you’ll be then. For now, maybe just pop a Xanax and have a little faith.

I personally believe we’ll continue to have elections. We will elect Trump in 2028 and in 2032 and, God willing, every four years as long as he shall live. Or perhaps scientists will find a way to preserve his body and stop aging so that he can be our leader until the literal end of the world, which I know you think will happen soon because of climate change, and if you genuinely believe that, why are you so worried? You’ll only have, what, twenty years or so of authoritarian rule before life becomes nothing but fleeing fire and flood. It’ll be like those Irwin Allen disaster movies we loved as kids! I personally think it’s awesome that my house in Central Massachusetts might be waterfront property sooner rather than later.

Anyway, don’t let politics ruin your relationships. Just because some people in your life may have voted for a guy who talks creepily about his daughter, brags about grabbing women by the pussy, and promises to protect women whether they want it or not—that was our vote and our choice. If you really care about women having autonomy, you should stop questioning our decision to elect a guy who wants to take it away.

Take a few deep breaths. Step outside and look for beauty in nature. Touch some grass. If you see a rainbow, don’t post a photo of it, because my MAGA friends associate them with the LGBTQ crowd, and frankly, I don’t want to get on the wrong side of those I voted into power. They can be a little intimidating, but you know, that kind of turns me on. Was it Sylvia Plath or Kimberly Guilfoyle who said that every woman adores a fascist?

So yes, I voted for Trump, but it was only about the economy. And immigration. And what I’ve learned about transgender people from J. K. Rowling’s Twitter feed. It’s nothing personal.

No response? Wait, are we no longer Facebook friends?

Well, that seems extreme.