“President Trump called on Iranians on Tuesday to keep protesting against their government and warned that those responsible for killing demonstrators would ‘pay a big price.’” — New York Times
“Donald Trump branded anti-ICE protests in Minnesota ‘fake riots,’ aired a crass and evidence-free theory about the people involved, and spouted a racist slogan during a lengthy, unhinged speech in Detroit.” — Daily Mirror
In the wake of the violent crackdown against protestors in Iran, the United States stands firmly on the side of the Iranian people rising up against their authoritarian government. Our administration supports protesting against any government except our own.
The protests against the Iranian government are completely justified. The Iranian government is a corrupt regime that regularly engages in petty bribery, routinely launches criminal investigations against its opponents for political reasons, and snatches people off the street and locks them away in undisclosed detention facilities. As we speak, they are tanking their economy thanks to terrible trade policies, spending billions of dollars on their military instead of helping their most vulnerable, and funding armies committing genocide in the Middle East. It is, therefore, no surprise that the Iranian people are fed up with their nation’s leadership and are demanding change.
Meanwhile, evil forces within the United States are attempting to undermine everything our administration has accomplished over the past year. Whether it’s the “No Kings” marches or the “ICE Out for Good” protests, these fake riots are being orchestrated by professional actors (most likely Mark Ruffalo). We intend to imprison any fraudster politician, public official, or MCU superhero involved in these sick plots to loot and pillage our country.
Iranian protestors, on the other hand, should be allowed to take to the streets to voice their displeasure without being labeled terrorists. No peaceful demonstrator should ever be killed for standing up to their government. Unless, of course, they’re a suburban mom in an SUV that’s driving away from law enforcement.
We are deeply concerned about the clashes between protestors and the Iranian Revolutionary Guard. But we believe that confrontations with police are sometimes necessary to effect change. Provided, of course, that the change in question is something positive, like overturning the results of an election and not something sinister, like improving the way a certain racial group is treated in their country.
The problem with the Iranian government is that its laws are based on an extreme interpretation of an ancient Middle Eastern religion, which emphasizes traditional gender roles, teaches that women should be subordinate to men, and insists that all who disagree are infidels condemned to hell for all eternity. Whereas our government leaders are proudly Christian nationalists.
We will be monitoring the situation in Iran and making preparations to assist the protesters, while continuing to crack down on the domestic agitators trying to destroy America.
Also, in the coming months, we’ll be occupying Venezuela and invading Greenland, while condemning the war in Ukraine and warning China not to attack Taiwan.
