Wow, Trump Has Already Fixed So Many Problems That Definitely Existed

Unbelievably, President-elect Trump hasn’t even been inaugurated yet, and he’s already solved so many of the problems he talked about on the campaign trail. Almost as if they were never there at all. I’m so glad I voted for him.

I was really outraged about inflation. But miraculously, today I woke up in Trump’s America, and the average worker’s paycheck goes further than it did pre-COVID. Not only that, but the United States is ahead of every developed economy in recovering from the pandemic. I don’t know how Trump pulled that off so fast. Tariffs?

I guess businessmen just know how to run the economy. That must be why, when I checked yesterday, the stock market was at an all-time high, and unemployment was under 5 percent. What a turnaround from America’s catastrophic economic decline under the Democrats. And all the more impressive given that Trump got it done over a weekend at Mar-a-Lago.

It seems President-elect Trump works so fast that illegal migration at the US-Mexico border is now at levels below when he left office, a mere negative two months into his second term. At first, it seemed almost unbelievable. But my eyes confirmed the numbers. Walking around my local Costco, there were none of the roving hordes of terrorists, MS-13 members, and escaped serial killers that Lyin’ Kamala had chauffeured past Border Patrol. Zero. It’s almost as if they were never there.

And I can’t help but notice that since November 5, no one has eaten my cats.

I don’t mean to gloat, but yesterday I also went to our state’s last abortion clinic, and I shrieked, “This is the Trump era! You can’t execute babies after birth anymore!”

And guess what? They haven’t.

Thank you, Mr. President-elect.

And abroad, Trump is already keeping our military strong and making our “allies” pay up. Apparently, all non-US NATO countries are raising their defense spending, and since the election, I haven’t seen a single electric tank. Quite an improvement from November 4, when the US was spending 75 percent of its GDP on United Nations DEI training, and Europe’s contributions to NATO consisted of a Nissan Leaf and two camouflage rape whistles.

Plus, I don’t even remember the last time a cabal of pizza-loving devil worshippers from the Clinton Foundation abducted my son.

I guess when you roll up your sleeves, cut through the red tape, and reject the woke mind virus, you can really solve a lot of problems that are based in reality.

And thank god we’ve finally regained our senses about gender. I don’t want my ten-year-old daughter kickboxing against men or getting top surgery from her school nurse without my consent. But now that Trump has done… whatever he’s done, those problems are nonexistent.

We weren’t safe under the Democrat Party, but Trump is already bringing back law and order. I just checked, and law enforcement budgets are growing, which is such a welcome reversal from when Joe Biden abolished the police, appointed George Floyd FBI director, and declared it legal to murder white people. Talking to my friends, it almost feels like since we elected a law-and-order candidate, crime has dropped to a fifty-year low. Well, not literally, but you get my point.

Oh, and best of all, elections are super fair and not rigged anymore!